Hey guys, I'm at my room now preparing to go to bed.
Now, my mind think about something sensitive.
I think about this often. Like, I envy with my friends who had their life easy. Go to favorite school, from rich family, have everything that I wanted, have some good friends, big house, easy to have relation... yah, some things that I don't have.
I mean, I came from a favorite junior high school, now I dumped out from my environment. My safe place. Located in some place that I've never thought before. No one's from my ex junior high school go to same high school as I am. Really. Sometimes I feel, life's not fair.
I'm not a stupid girl when I was in junior high school. But why... ah never mind. I always trying to be grateful about this. Try to believe that Allah will give me the best thing I deserve to have in Allah's eyes. Allah has plans for me, and I know I'll be success with my own way. Maybe my way didn't really easy. Of course. I have to work harder so that I can be seen in this world against 7 billion people. It feels so impossible-_-
NO WAY! THERE'S NO WAY TO FEEL SMALL!
Well, I'm just cheering up myself -_- HAHA
Really, I might look so cheerful, but the truth is... I feel so lonely. Feel so small. Pessimist. Haunted by something that I couldn't understand : I'm afraid to fall again. Not fall in love. I mean fall when I walk trough my journey in this world. I feel like, my friends in my old school's getting far day by day. I can't reach them. I feel like I'm not proper to be their friend again. I always scared that they didn't want to be my friend anymore :( Poor me. Someone who chased after me, who tried to get my attention for this whole time, had already disappeared. I feel like, I'm alone. No, I feel so lonely. No one can understand what I'm feeling. I can't be free. Great, now my tears started to fall...
Why my life's become so hard? Why I'm not lucky as my friends? Why I have to fight in this world alone?
No one can stand beside me. Cheer me up. Tell me that everything's will be alright. No. I'm alone. That's why I love writing. Write everything that I feel. Especially when I'm drop. Drowning and drowning.
Writing always make me better. I set my mind to believe. Believe that, there's someone who read all my story and be ready to hear all the things that I want to write. Believe that someday, I won't feel lonely anymore. Believe that someday, everything will be beautiful in its way.
Yes, I'm a dream girl. I live in my own world. And in my world, I pretend that everything that I wanted is exist. That makes me calm. But still, I need a real friend.
You know what, sometimes I feel so yah, you know live in my own world. There' no one whom I ask to come to my world yet. I haven't meet someone who can accepts me as the real me. I don't have to be pretending and being fake. The only thing that I have to do is BEING ME.
I need someone who makes me wants to tell about this. Yah, I need his/her back so I can cry on their back. Then he/she will tell me that I'll be okay. They will tell me that I'm not alone. They will tell me that they'll always be there to support me.
Even if the distance makes any supporting things impossible.
But, I don't know if there's anybody who can accept me the way I am.
An ignorance girl, careful but careless, weird, crazy, never showed up what I really felt, can't be touched, and so on. I'm not beautiful as an artist but, I have my own unique. I mean, yeah I wait for someone who knows me through the books that I write, through everything that I write, and loves everything that I write.
It's all about writing. When I'm writing, I'm just me. That myself.
Well, the conclusion is... I relieve after I write everything that annoys me. I have to be gratefully from now. Believe in Allah. That's the key.
Thank you for reading! :)